Or the boy, recognizing that what started as an expression of fondness now has become heightened sexual stimulation, can break the spell of the moment by rising to his feet, getting them both a drink of water, and suggesting a less intimate activity.
Each person has a built-in gauge of just how far he should go. If a girl looks back over her date with feelings of guilt, she has gone beyond what she herself considers right. When a boy avoids a girl with whom he has been making love, it means he has overstepped his sense of propriety.
ERASING MISTAKES
Keeping a dating relationship within comfortable, mutually acceptable bounds is no easy task. Many young people make mistakes while they are learning how far they should go and how to stop. There is no final tragedy in making mistakes. Everybody does—in every area of life. It is particularly important that young people know how to redeem themselves once they have made a mistake, gained a bad reputation, or shocked their own sense of what is right.
The first step in the process of righting things again is to face your mistake honestly and admit you were wrong. If you can take responsibility for what you did without blaming someone else, the battle is half won.
The second step is to try to make amends to the person whom you may have hurt or wronged. The boy who steps out of bounds on a date should apologize for his behavior as soon as possible. The girl in the case should admit that some of the responsibility was hers. And both should avoid further situations in which there may be a recurrence of the unfortunate behavior.
If the incident has been noised about, there may be the problem of erasing a bad reputation. This involves avoiding any repetition of the regrettable behavior and leaning over backward, if necessary, to regain the trust of your associates. It means throwing yourself into socially acceptable work and producing well enough so that others can respect you as a person again. This takes time but it can be done.
Andy is a case in point. When he was a sophomore in high school, his girl became pregnant, dropped out of school, and left the community. He was allowed to stay in school but he was forbidden all extracurricular privileges. He had to leave the ball team. He was not allowed to attend school dances. He was avoided by many of the fellows and most of the girls. He talked his unpleasant position over with his principal and his religious adviser, and they suggested that if he applied himself wholeheartedly to his work, his situation might improve in time. During his junior year, by dint of hard work and extra hours in the library, he made the best grades he’d ever had. He stayed out of mischief, got over his rebellious attitude toward his teachers, and began treating them with respect. He slowly regained the acceptance of both the adults and young people in his school. He never was elected the most popular boy in his class, but when he graduated he felt that he belonged. . Most of the people who knew him looked upon the early unfortunate incident as something that was over and done with. It was a long hard pull, but Andy made it. He feels it was worth the effort now to be able to walk down Main Street and feel he belongs and is accepted.
SUMMING UP
The physical aspect of the attraction between boys and girls and men and women is very real, very powerful, and very important. It is made up of the creative energy that produces new human life. As such, it is not to be played with lightly or used for the thrill of a moment. Rather it is to be accepted with respect, appreciation, and a willingness to keep it in correct focus in one’s own life.
The boy and girl who learn to enjoy each other in a variety of activities learn to share much more than just the fact of their maleness and femaleness. They build a friendship and share intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, as well as sexually. If they let the erotic part of their relationship crowd out the other elements in their friendship they find themselves cut off from other activities and other friends, and soon are so involved with each other that firm steps have to be taken— often to end the relationship.
Even in marriage there is much more to the husband-wife relationship than just being sexual partners. Marriage is more than a bed for the night; it is a home for the years. A husband and wife must learn to share their interests, their hopes, and their values if they are to make their marriage truly happy and lasting. Similarly, if a dating pair keep their relationship in focus, without letting any one aspect crowd out the others, they build a many-faceted friendship that is deeply satisfying.
The belittling of premarital chastity and marital fidelity by certain groups of people need not sway the self-respecting young person from his standards. Within faithfulness a person can be true to his love and to himself, enjoying the sweet peace of emotional security that comes from doing what is right for him.
|
