“If you love each other, it’s all right,” is a dubious argument. It is true that sexual relationships based upon mutual affection are on a higher level than loveless unions. But a boy or girl, a man or a woman, loves many persons in many ways during a lifetime, and if love were the only basis for sexual relations, there would be little faithfulness either before or after marriage.

“How else can you discover your compatibility?” is also a spurious argument. A fellow and girl learn far more about each other and their suitability for a life together in marriage by becoming acquainted as two whole personalities than they ever can by sexual familiarity alone. Sexual relations after marriage can be established within the security of privacy, permanence, mutual devotion, and social approval—a combination lacking in the premarital union.

Re-analysis of the Kinsey studies fails to substantiate the claim that the premaritally experienced make better marriage adjustments over the years. Far more research than is now available is needed to find reliable bases for this or other “arguments” for premarital sex relations.

The real reasons for premarital sex relations lie within the persons themselves—their conceptions of themselves, of their sexual partners, and of the society of which they are a part. As in every other area of life there are those who conform and those who go beyond accepted standards to make their own rules. Those who conform don’t need to explain why. Those who break with custom must defend their position. This is one reason why the arguments for premarital sexual relations are heard so often and so loudly.

In Serious Trouble

A major concern for any girl contemplating premarital relations is that she might “get into trouble.” In spite of recent advances in population control, there is no completely sure protection against pregnancy. Even among married couples using accepted methods of birth control, many unplanned pregnancies occur. The problem is greater and has much more serious consequences for unmarried persons.

The unmarried mother faces a terrifying set of problems. Where can she go? What will she do with her baby? How will she protect her educational and vocational plans? How can she safeguard her reputation? Will the father of her child marry her? She fears the wrath of her parents, and oftentimes feels guilty that she has brought disgrace upon her family.

Even if the girl doesn’t become pregnant, her feelings of guilt and shame about premarital sex and her fear of detection may be intense. In her effort to right things after sexual relations have been established, she may beg her sweetheart to marry her, only to find that her urgency for marriage displeases him. Premarital affairs are known to break up because the girl’s insistence upon marriage is in opposition to the fellow’s reluctance to be pushed into it.