Young people who are sensitive of others’ feelings realize that breaking off abruptly is unnecessarily harsh and hurtful. A thoughtful boy would rather part on good terms with his former girl friend than drop her suddenly. A girl would rather hear directly from a fellow that things are over between them than learn it from gossipmongers. She’s humiliated if others are aware before she is that she’s no longer going steady.

And she’s miserable during that period of uncertainty when she is no longer sure of her status.

Discussing the Break

Unfortunately, many a girl can’t keep from going into long agonizing discussions of “how washed up we are.” She may torment the boy with embarrassing questions such as, “What did I do to lose your love?” She may beg him to reconsider and take her back again. Such fanning of dead ashes rarely makes a relationship burst into flame again. On the contrary, it usually makes the break even more necessary for the boy and more difficult for the girl.

Some couples find that they can discuss their relationship without rancor, and decide in a friendly fashion that it’s time to break up. They try to understand what led up to their break so that the experience can give them insight. Sometimes such a couple end up as friends.

Easing Off

An increasing number of young people seem to have such good rapport with each other that they can sense when their friendship should shift to another basis. These are usually mature individuals who have learned that friendships change as one develops, and that not all relationships last indefinitely. A boy and girl can recognize that although their friendship has been something special, with changed feelings and interests it has become pointless. Then it is that they can break off mutually without hurting one another.

These are the young people who often can help each other get back into circulation again after the breakup. Returning to the social whirl is a difficult step for many boys and for most girls, regardless of whether the end of the affair was painful or easy.

BACK IN CIRCULATION AGAIN

After a couple break off, there is something of an interval before either of them becomes re-established as a member of the dating crowd again. If they themselves can accept their breaking up fairly well, they can help each other get back into circulation once more in a number of ways.

Mary can let her friends know that she’s at the point of breaking off with Tom. Then, as certain of her girl friends express an interest in him, she, more easily than anyone else, can arrange a date between them. Similarly, Tom could arrange a double date with Jack who’s long had a yen for Mary. In the course of the date Tom can see to it that Jack and Mary get acquainted. If Tom and Mary still like each other, they can be of great mutual support during the trying period of transition until each of them begins to date again.

If the break has been painful, full of recriminations and regrets, then a couple may have to face the double problem of getting over their emotional scars and re-establishing themselves as best they can without each other’s help.

Both of them may need a period of relative solitude in which to get back on their feet emotionally. They will devote more time to work, to friendships with members of their own sex, to activities with their families, until interest in dating again develops. Then they will let others know they are ready to accept invitations again that may lead to dating. Sometimes, going to another community for a while, visiting a relative, taking a trip or a vacation, helps a person get over a broken love affair and find himself or herself again.