Start out by thinking about your partner and all the reasons that you fell in love with her/him in the first place. What attracted you to him or her initially? How did you feel when you were around each other? Early in your relationship when you were telling others about this great new person in your life, what did you tell them? Did he make you laugh? Did her smile light up a room?
When we take and look at our partner with the same eyes we had early on in the relationship, we can start seeing that those qualities that attracted you to them in the first place are really still there. They have just been overshadowed by all the other stuff that everyday life entails.
This about what that person means to you. Certainly it’s more than just someone to be around. Sure, you love the security, but what about the companionship, the things you share, the past you have lived? Maybe there have been some rough patches, but there have been good times too. Remember them, wrap your mind around them, and focus on them. That is what will get you started toward bringing romance back to your marriage.
Once you do this, resolve to become self-directed in your quest towards a more passionate marriage. Mates must become responsible for their own actions, they say. Each mate should identify and recognize his or her inaccurate, exaggerated expectations.
Recognition precedes change. By recognizing exaggerated expectations, each mate creates room for maneuvering and motivation for change.
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